Hey guys! Do you ever feel like your confidence has gone down the tubes (or maybe you never had any to begin with)? Have you experienced something in your life that has had such an impact on you that it created a story in your head that really isn’t true? Do you have a hard time feeling worthy of good things, or you don’t deserve praise you have been given? Have you ever been told how inspiring you are, but feel like you’re really just being you and trying to survive? Well, I hope you know you aren’t alone!
I began this blog with a big goal in mind. I wanted to reach people who are looking for a little ray of sunshine, who want to be motivated to live a joy-filled life, who want to learn how to be happy, etc. But, sometimes I find that this blog helps me as much as I want to help others! Isn’t that just how it works sometimes?
A lot of people feel that to be a teacher, you need to be an expert at something. Some people feel that to be a blogger you need to have a lot of knowledge about a topic, but really, neither of these are true. Really, all it takes is a willingness to be a life long learner, and to share your learning with others. Sure, I was a public school teacher for 20 years, so I DO know how to teach. It took me about 16 years to understand that I REALLY AM an amazing teacher and I have a great talent for it. I “get” kids and their learning styles. I have my masters in elementary reading and literacy, as well as specialty certification in reading intervention programs. I KNOW that I am a great teacher, but I didn’t ALWAYS know. I am indeed my OWN WORST CRITIC. How about you?
I often put myself down because I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others, and never feel as good or talented as they are. When I was teaching yoga for a very short time, I told myself that I wasn’t skinny enough, limber enough, and experienced enough to be a successful and respected instructor. I tell myself I’m not good enough, gifted enough, and intuitive enough to give energy work. So, I don’t. I don’t teach yoga (right now), I don’t give energy work (right now), I didn’t blog for a long time after starting two very short lived blogs, etc etc etc. BUT…THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT! If you feel the same as I have for so many years, I hope you will stick with me and continue to read.
I am well trained in many areas, but still feel like a “fraud.” I ask myself, “Who am I to think I can help to heal others?” Oh my gosh. The things we tell ourselves can be so mean. I sometimes worry that people I work with will see through me and not trust in my abilities, because I don’t trust my own abilities. I constantly compare myself to others whom I look up to as seasoned veterans in their healing fields. Why would people want to work with me when they could work with her? I am the QUEEN of “What IF” and “Should Haves” and “I’m not good enough/worthy enough!”
Many years ago, a memory was triggered about an event that happened to me when I was 14 years old. I wanted nothing more than to go to Medical School and become an ObGyn/Pediatrician. It was all I wanted to be when I grew up. One day my grandpa told me that I wasn’t smart enough to be a doctor, and compared me to a friend who eventually became an engineer. I was crushed. I had no idea he was drunk at the time, nor did I realize he was an alcoholic. In fact, the fact that I didn’t know until after he died was ammunition for my uncle to make fun of me the day I found out. These were traumatic events in my life that defined who I thought I was and what I thought I was worth.
I really tried to pursue my dream of becoming a doctor, but soon realized I didn’t have what it took(or so I thought), and decided to become <GASP> a TEACHER! My mom’s response was, “Well, it’s about time you figured this out! Everyone but you has known for years. Think about all the time you spend back at your elementary school visiting your teachers and working with kids!” I was devastated. In my mind, she didn’t think I was capable of becoming a doctor either. I was going to be a “lowly teacher.” Sigh… Of course, I went on to be an incredible teacher who was very hard on myself, which made me work even harder to be fabulous for 20 years!
Well, I’m here to tell you that TODAY I have chosen to think differently. Today, I choose to be ME. I embrace the spirit I am, and the lessons I have learned to become the person I am. For so many years I have taken class after class to gain more knowledge. I LOVE to learn!!! If you have read any of my past posts you know that I am a certified therapeutic yoga instructor at the 200hr level. I am also a trained Reiki Master Teacher, and have finished level 3 of Healing Touch, as well as Cleansing Flow (another energy work modality). I have learned many forms of crafting from scrapbooking to mixed media canvas art. I kind of feel like a Jack of all trades, master of none. Haha! BUT, I have a lot to offer and it is time for me to find the confidence I so desire and just go for it! It is time for me to believe in the power of me!
I hope that in sharing my story I have inspired you to make a choice to feel more confident in the person YOU are, too! I am done with the what-ifs. My biggest deterrent for blogging has been WHAT IF my readers don’t like what I have to say? Well, I now understand that this isn’t the blog for them, then. Those are not the people I am meant to reach. They aren’t the people who are searching for my messages. They aren’t the people who need to read my ramblings. With the help of my incredible reiki therapist/intuitive coach, I now understand that my writing, workshops, classes, and book will reach the people I am supposed to reach. I am good with that! Will everyone love me? Nope! Is that ok? It will be…eventually. I like when people like me. I can’t lie about that.
Are you inspired to believe in yourself? Are you thinking, “If she can do it, so can I?” GOOD! YIPPY! HOORAY! Do you know where to start? Here is a short list that may help:
- Write and repeat positive affirmations frequently. If you’re like me, and forget to do so, write them on a sticky note and put them on your bathroom mirror. Need ideas for affirmations? I’ll wrote more about them in a later post, but you can always google if you’re itching to get started on this new confidence plan!
- Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how incredible you are. Repeat until you FEEL incredible and smile! This works!
- Make a list of all the things you are good at. Include the positive qualities of your personality. Look at it frequently.
- Ask a friend or family member what they feel your great qualities are. Of course, this should be someone you trust!
- Create a vision board. Close your eyes and try to just let go for a few minutes. Invite in inspiration and good ideas. Cut words and pictures from magazines. Vision board creation is something I am very passionate about, so look for a future post! Until then, maybe you want to google!
- Repeat as often as needed, “I release ALL that no longer serves my greatest and highest good.” You really don’t need to repeat it over and over, but personally, this really helps me when I choose to repeat it 3-5 times. The universe WILL hear the first time, but it helps if you can FEEL the release.
I hope you find this list to be a nice starting place. I”d love to hear how you are doing with this new confident journey you are choosing. Feel free to email me and keep in touch!